TURKEY PAGAN SACRIFICE DAY

Prepare for the horror that is... creamy Asparagus dishes!  Artichokes!  Swedish meatballs!  ...no, seriously, some people do meatballs for Thanksgiving.  Why?  I mean, stick to the traditional meats like turkey, or honey ham, or fish.  Fish is legal, it's a Pilgrim staple... ya, ya...

So anyhoo, for the benefit of the seven people who follow this blog, here's the keystone to our holiday festivity:

Now, about the proper way to sacrifice your turkey to the pagan Gods of the Harvest...  First, lay out a table in a geometric pattern with silver stabbing weapons and ceramic plates in which the ritual offerings can be placed.  Light some scented harvest-themed candles in the center of the table... Have the participants sit within an order decided by rank and by age...  Bring forth the SACRIFICE!  Offer a prayer to the appropriate deity of the house...  AND BEGIN THE CUTTING...!

Multiple sacrifices AKA seconds may be granted depending on the satisfaction of the house deity.

TONIGHT!  THERE WILL BE SATED GODS.  ALL WILL BE WELL WITHIN THE PANTHEON OF DEITIES.

Also, it's the one-year anniversary of the Butt Fumble.  Sometimes, we must wonder which Gods the Jets displeased...

Next up, SATURNALIA!  I need more computer desktop wallpapers for Saturnalia, graphics artists!  NOW...